Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
