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I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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