What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
