he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
