we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
