i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
