i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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