You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
