I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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