At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
