sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
