We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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