last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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