I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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