Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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