Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
