i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
