fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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