I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
