they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
