Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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