it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
