I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
