I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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