I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
