I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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