Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dick very happy bro
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
