I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Are we still banned from the library?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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