You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
