Please, let me fuck your mom
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
