Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
