My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
