I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
