Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
