I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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