"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
