I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
where am i from again
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
