well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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