She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
