wake up i wanna do it froggy style
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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