The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
