I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
