Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
