Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
