So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
