I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
