is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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