he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
