take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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