yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
