just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
