Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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