Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
