i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
