she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
