and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Vodka?
Forever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
