I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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